This is Gran’s advice to an adult grand-daughter facing a crossroads in her life…..
Hi Dear, You’ve been on my mind a bit and I woke up last night after having a dream, actually I had a second dream along the same lines. So I felt I should write to you and give you some sayings to think about. Now I don’t know if this is for you, or if it is for you to pass on to someone else, and I’m not even sure which order to write it in, so I’ll do it in a series of thoughts I’ve gleaned over the years.
Thought No 1. “If it’s doubtful , it’s dirty!”
When you get a shirt out of the cupboard, or you are about to put one away, and wonder if it needs washing or not, this is the measuring stick. If it’s doubtful, it IS dirty!!
So if you are contemplating some move and are uncertain whether to proceed or not, and are feeling uneasy in yourself wondering if it IS a good move or not, remember if there is any doubt in your mind leave it alone until you are absolutely certain. And of course the measuring stick is, what does God say about this situation?
Thought No. 2. “Use Your Head Before you Lose it!”
Whenever you start on a new course of action, there always comes a point when you can still walk away from it. If you are doubtful, walk! Don’t wait until you get to the point where you are so involved you feel you cannot do this to someone else.
Thought No. 3. “Don’t Feel Sorry for Someone else; You will end up Feeling Sorrier for Yourself!”
I have given this advice to different ones over the years, and at first sight it might seem like a selfish rule to have. BUT your first responsibility is to yourself, not to anyone else, no matter how much trouble they are in. We had a friend once whose wife walked out on him, and he had to learn to do for himself. I could have easily done his washing, and taken him meals ready cooked, but he had to learn to do it for himself. Another lady friend whose husband had died, was living on her own and wondered if she should take in another person who was looking for somewhere to live. We told her, “DON’T!”
It seems mean, but if she had and then got into relationship problems with this person, guess who would have to pick up the pieces….other people! We all know about broken relationships. As it turned out, this person looking for board would have taken this lady’s house over. Her friends were already doing all the repairs and maintenance for her, and there was no need to complicate things!
Thought No 4. Don’t Take What is just Good, and Miss Out on God’s Best.
Think about Solomon’s choice when God spoke to him in a dream telling him that He would give him anything at all that he asked for. We don’t know how much time Solomon thought about this first but he was feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of ruling this nation wisely so he asked God for wisdom to do it properly. God commended him for asking this, because he had asked for what was good. But when he became old, he forgot God’s rules and married heathen wives for political reasons without trusting God, and the Bible says that these outlandish women (Nehemiah 13:26; King James words) caused him to sin. He had asked for what was good, but had missed God’s best; he should have asked for a heart to follow the Lord wholly all the days of his life. There is nothing sadder that seeing an older person fall away from the Lord.
Thought No.5. Always keep in Mind the Difference Between a Christian and a non Christian.
We all know the passage that says to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, but the Bible also talks about the difference between light and darkness, between the actions of the flesh and the actions of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:19-25)
I remember a girl years ago who fell in love with a non-Christian. She was told to not marry him, but he promised her the earth. He wouldn’t stop her going to church; it wouldn’t make any difference if she was a Christian and he wasn’t. So she married him. Later that year, friends went to stay with this girl and her husband. He hadn’t stopped her going to church at this stage, but he complained about her church DVDs, and music she wanted to put on; he didn’t like the time she spent reading the Bible; He didn’t like her church friends or her going out at night to Bible Study, or her giving her tithe to the church.
So of course these things were put aside, one by one, until she gave up going altogether.
Thought No. 6. The old Joke…..As the Bride Walked down the Aisle to the Altar, she thought of three things…Aisle, Altar, Hymn! “I’ll Alter him!”
Just remember there is one thing a person CANNOT do, you cannot alter another person’s habits or ways, especially if they are an older person, and been living on their own for a bit. Just look at people’s different eating habits!!!! Classic case! So you have to love a person very much to sink yourself into their ways and habits. It’s no use thinking “It’s not fair!” Of course it isn’t fair! It will only make a good argument! You CANNOT alter him!
It takes years to come to the point of being able to give in gracefully. And then to not resent it!
Thought No. 7. Make Sure There is no Baggage in the Way.
There are many forms of “baggage” in a relationship. There is nothing worse than trying to mix oil and water…..it can’t be done! Things are bad enough to adjust to without having complications of other relationships or cultures to have to adjust to. Another thing I have seen as I have got older, is a wife about ten years (or more) younger than her husband having to lead him along, or helping him use a walking frame. It might be flattering to have an older man court you when you are young, but just think of the other end of life when you are still relatively young and fit and he is incapacitated in some way. This can, of course, happen in any age bracket, but it goes without saying when there is that age difference it is more likely to be the case. An acquaintance married a man over ten years older than she was, and we caught up with her many years later at a funeral and could hardly believe our eyes…. here she was leading along a shaky old man. After he died she met someone else who had a motor home and then she was able to travel all around the country making up for lost time.
Well Dear, perhaps I can sleep easy now I’ve got all that off my chest. I sort of get the feeling that you are at a cross roads, and I heard that you were thinking of going overseas for a bit and getting a job there. If you have any of these sort of pressures on you here, go, and get away to new places and meeting new people. Just make sure you go to places where you can meet new Christian people and form new friendships that will be helpful, and not drag you down. You will have many openings for work with your training.
Remember the difference between what is Good and what is Best. Also remember that God’s timing is never late
Love, Gran